it's fixed!

Bismillah..

it's been a long time..
for me,not to blog walking..
and now, need to do blog walking to certain blog asap...

since life gonna be hard and harder,
i'll try to do things as efficient as possible..
insyaAllah...

it's fixed..date is fixed!!

less than three month to go..
nervous, worried, blur, and tired...
mixed feeling...
and really need to calm down..

the "list to do" is quite long and i'm done nothing...
what the first things to do?
fill up form?
cards?
backdrops?
dress?
catering?
goodies?
which one???

pray Allah make all easy...

3 month notice

Bismillah...

3 month...
seem so short when deals with study...
not yet done journal writing in 3 month
not yet done chapter writing in 3 month
arghh...so short

and one more thing that cannot be done in 3 month..
this one is something that will change my life totally...
will change my status...
will change my point of view...
will change my heaven direction...from mom to...hurmmm

3 month??
what i'm suppose to do?
what i'm suppose to react?
yes?
no?
give us another chance?
what?

one thing to do for now..
keep calm and istikharah

hela nafas kesyukuran

bismillah..

No matter how hard life could be, we know deep in our heart,
we will keep moving
cause Allah is there...always

Allah..
berikan lah ketenangan..
dan jadikan apa yang pernah berlaku iktibar dlm ceritaku..
jadi kan perpisahan ini pengakhiran penyeksaanku,
dan jadikan pertemuan akan datang sebagai bermulanya bahagiaku...
aku redha atas apa yang berlaku..
dan ikhlas utk aku melepaskan sesuatu yang sukar...

mungkin pada yang lain, bunyi nya seakan mngeluh
keluhan kesedihan dan kekecewaan...
namun cukup jelas pada aku..
ia adalah hela nafas kesyukuran..
syukur kerana sekali lagi cinta ku di uji...
dan aku tetap memilih redha padaMu...

In life there are people that will hurt us and cause us pain,
but we must learn to forgive and forget and not hold grudges.

In life there are mistakes we will make,
but we must learn from our wrongs and grow from them.

In life there are regrets we will have to live with,
but we must learn to leave the past behind and realize it is something we can't change.

In life there are people we will loose forever and can't have back,
but we must learn to let go and move on.

In life there are going to be obstacles that will cause interference,
but we must learn to overcome these challenges and grow stronger.

In life there are fears that will hold us back from what we want,
but we must learn to fight them with the courage from within.

God holds our lives in his hands. He holds the key to our future.
Only he knows our fate.

He see's everything and knows everything.
Everything in life really does happen for a reason: "God's Reason".

-Angie Flores-

so true

I miss the taste of a sweeter life
I miss the conversation
I’m searching for a song tonight
I’m changing all of the stations

I like to think that we had it all
We drew a map to a better place
But on that road I took a fall
Oh baby why did you run away?

I was there for you
In your darkest times
I was there for you
In your darkest nights

But I wonder where were you?
When I was at my worst
Down on my knees
And you said you had my back
So I wonder where were you?
When all the roads you took came back to me

So I’m following the map that leads to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Following, following, following to you
The map that leads to you
Ain't nothing I can do
The map that leads to you
Following, following, following

I hear your voice in my sleep at night
Hard to resist temptation
'Cause something strange has come over me
And now I can’t get over you
No, I just can’t get over you

Cerita Cinta Aku

Bismillah...

jam hampir menunjukan 12 tgh malam..
well, cliche plak bile start mcm tu..tp xpe la...
saje nak menaip malam ni...hahh

masih terkenang2 lagi mimpi semalam...
insan yang aku rindu 200% muncul sbg hero mimpi aku..
feeling so real...sedih bile sedar itu semua mimpi dan khayalan aku semata....
my friend kate "tu la, dok sebut2 name die..masuk dlm mimpi"..
mungkin la..org tua2 pun kate mcm tu..sebab dok sebut, masuk ladlm  mimpi..
bukan sebab jodoh pun...damn~

kadang2, bile nak tido...sambil muhasabah diri..
aku terpikir, mcm mane la nak tau jawapan istikharah..
dok google ustaz azhar pun, mcm still confius...
betul ke ape yang aku rase..or mungkin sebab aku bias...
ustazah kate "istikharah ni kne neutral..xboleh ada rase pade sape2..baik A atau pun B"
so,tu antara sebab knape aku stop istikharah aku malam ke 4..
ingat nak buat sampai malam ke-7..
tak kesampaian...dulu la..cerita istikharah awal tahun hari tu...haha

antara kehendak hati, atau jawapan or mungkin bayangan seolah jawapan...
akhirnya aku pilih untuk lupakan je sape2 y muncul..
baik baru muncul,atau pun y da hampir sedekad muncul...
tapi hati..mane la boleh menipu...
rindu dan rasa sayang...bukan senang nak tukar jadi benci...
tapi sekurang2nya azam 44 hari tu menjadi je..

kenape kene fikir, org y lansung tak fikir pasal kita...
jawapan aku senang..sebab bodoh...
so, disebabkan aku benci perkataan bodoh, maka terpaksa la aku, untuk tidak berfikir pasal org itu..
sebab bodoh la, aku rasa hidup aku teruk sekarang ni..
belajar tinggi-tinggi pun, ada masa kita tetap bodoh...
so aku decide untuk tak jadi bodoh lagi..

study tinggal 6 bulan...
mysweet ct da dpt keje..mmg nak hasut die blanje aku...hahh
aku pun ingat nak balik for good la kat umah..
lagi pun, da lame sgt rasenye hidup kat upm...
sejarah2 yang ade dlm kepale otak aku is sejarah heart broken je byk...
and sejarah jumpe sahabat2 yang sgt unik...love all them..
da tibe mase aku mulakan sejarah baru...tempat baru..kawan baru...

klu boleh aku tak nak lagi duduk upm sem depan...
malas aku nak recall memori2 indah klu tetibe terserempak...
buat sakit balik je hati aku yang kene kelentong hidup2..
tp akibat kemalasan aku menulis thesis, maka ade la lagi aku sem depan...
target bulan 12 chow....or mungkin awal dari tu...

pasal kawin..hurm..
mcm tadi la..aku klu boleh, aku tak nak lagi bodohkan diri aku...
cukup la kot...
jodoh ni rahsia...
klu Allah nak bagi, die bagi..klu bukan jodoh, tggu la 3-4 tahun pun..memang bukan jodoh...

pasal keje..
aku da mule la pikiaq keje melalut ke laut..
niat hati mcm nak jadi pelukis jalanan...tp susah la...confirm mak xbagi..
pastu, klu xde restu..confirm xde pelanggan...da sah2 aku mmg xpandai melukis..aigoo
keje lain dalam kepale otak aku ni, bisness..
proposal pun xsiap2...ape nak jadi la aku ni...

org kate, "sambung la Phd"...ade giler...
mmg x la skrg...aku mcm rase bosan da belajar...teruk2..
buat mase ni je la..belajar serius fun..tp tak real...
rase mcm hidup dalam fantasi..org2 sekeliling mcm still tahap baik n separa baik..
hakikatnye kat luar, jahat kot..
kate je bos, tp die la hantu..dok aniaya staff...
so, memandangkan umur aku pun da 26 tahun, aku rasa da tiba masa aku sedar diri
hidup dan hadapi kehidupan...
yang penuh cabaran dan liku-liku..

impian...
satu je...masuk syurga..
at last..xkesah la sape jodoh aku, ape keje aku, sampai mane aku belajar...
yang paling penting is syurga...
aku kne ubah diri aku bukan untuk sape2, bukan untuk keje...
tp untuk syurga yang harga nye terlalu mahal...
beberape kali aku jatuh...tersembam jauh ke dalam dunia berlumpur busuk dan kotor...
syukur Allah masih kurniakan insan2 hebat untuk memimpin tangan aku..
tarik dan terus menarik..
sampai satu saat, malu rasanya sering ditarik...
sedang aku masih tidak mampu menarik org lain...

satu bende yang aku tau

Alhamdulillah atas semua nya...
itu lah Anugerah Cinta Teragung bagi aku...
cinta yang tak pernah meninggalkan, menipu,  mahu pun menuntut balasan....

andai takdir itu mendahului

Bismillah...

lama sudahku mencari bayangmu...
yang hilang bertahun-tahun yang semakin rapuh..
bila tersedar di atas kesilapan diriku...
maafkanlah aku,bila aku melukai hatimu
mungkin juga kita yang terlupa siapakah diri ini...
bila tiada lagi ku sedari kisah ini terhenti...
cubalah fahami cinta ini
memerlukan kau dan aku...

even though i've tried...
the love and the pain wont go away..
you always in that memories..
seems to be stuck and go no where...
but i really do wanna stop all this..

Maafkanlah pintaku begitu,
tak terdaya tak mampu menjaga cintamu...
hapuskanlah setulus kau khianati
usah pernah tangisi,
maaf sejuta kata...ku tak kan cuba kembali..

even i hurt and cried all night,
i always know that takdir itu sentiasa mendahului...
and to see you happy with ur life...a life without me,
make me think...and feeling so sure
i know i made a mistake by the time i said "yes"..

seperti mentari kan hilang,
mengikut jejakmu,menghapus bayangmu..
dan tidak bisaku mengerti semua yang terjadi harus begini..
kini yang tinggal hanya, sisa-sisa kisah yang terindah..
dan hitam tiba membawa derita..
sejujurnya masih ada rasa cinta yang tak akan putus
kerna alasanmu untuk ku bahagia
seharusnya kau sedari separuh jiwaku akan mati..
yang tinggal hanya alasan untuk bahagia...

what left is only a reason for me to be happy..

p/s: people say that smile can heal every tears... but why i keep crying even i tried hard to smile? heartbroken and keep bleeding... ;(

if i close my eyes

Bismillah

If I close my eyes, what I can see is only....hurm
my heart is only calling for........
damn..what happen to me...
hate myself keeping be this person...
I miss the old me...me with nobody...
not even with you...or with him

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to REALIZE
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets of Nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I conceal the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Time will never change the things you've told me
After all we're meant to be love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad 

p/s: Can't focus on my writing..too much thinking make myself useless...