how

Bismillah..

#Malay Post

bagaimana;
untuk aku pendamkan rasa yang aku ada
bila sentiasa kau ada di situ
untuk melukis setiapnya semula

bagaimana;
untuk aku pejamkan hendak yang sedang sunyi
bila sentiasa kau ada setia
untuk mencelik setiapnya kembali

bagaimana;
kerana aku suda terlalu kebas
dikejam rasa dan hendak yang ada sunyi

bagaimana;
kerana aku sudah berjanji
untuk tidak lagi mahunya lagi..

-fynn jamal-

if only i can promise my self..
and he take my word..
not to be there...and of course, i wont looking for you...-me-

loneliness

Bismillah...

So the "poyo", the title above..
but thats true..
last day is the day of memoriable..of my dad..
already 2 years..but then, really dont feel that he is not around..
i full with memories about him..
if only my dad is alive, i may have different story in my life..
but, fate..nobody have control over it..
and
as i get older, i feel more alone...

first, 

maybe i am far from home..

and all my sis like ignore or maybe forget that i am here in UPM..

second, 

my bestest friend may be no longer the bestest..

he now have another "friend"...well, i now prefer or need to share my hard story with my own self..

u know, talking selfie..haha (got eh that "talking selfies" word?)

third,

i have no supervisor now..he now in India..

leave me all alone doing my project...

forth,

may be i am not yet married...haha

ok, avoid that forth reason...derr~~

somehow,
to make myself no more loneliness,
I make things..
like...

booking hotel with swimming pool IN the room..superb huh?

this is grand lexis, Port Dickson...seriously superb holiday!

or

have a good dinner..hehe..love this kfc chicken..

already have them twice..still love it!

or 

Reading books...

well, i seriously dont like to read..but this 

"Puisi Tepi Jalan" by Fynn Jamal 

seriously superb

every single word is sooo relate to me, myself now..

loneliness..yeah..this book really can make full with tears, love, in my life..

and i found this book

this book is like testing you about al-quran...i really looking for this..

and found it! so i have game to solve everytime i feel bored!

after all, can all this really make the feeling of loneliness going away?
yes, i guess..but for temporary...
well, heart and soul need Allah...not books, not game, not food, and not even holiday..
i will keep remind myself about that..

Start next week, will be so busy collecting data entire malaysia..until march..
may be goin to be a bit silence in "alam maya" life..haha

i pray for everybody happiness...
and pray for everything to going smooth and cool...
oh one more...
i finish all my class...and the overall result is 4..sound happy to me...
hehe..want to get a gift for myself..
what ar?

Run Away

Bismillah...

Today, my life full with shopping activities..
Starts from Texas till the last hardware shop..
cost? don't ask..
if we thinking about money, then what point of shopping right?
haha

why shopping?
don't know...i feels blurr
what am i doing in life...
something i that i don't understand..
this study, this work, that relation and those people..
everything!
 i feel just exactly what the one republic song saying..

"I feel something so right

By doing the wrong thing

And I feel something so wrong

By doing the right thing"

seriously we know the reason we be in this world..
"I do not create human and jinn except for doing ibadah to Me" Surah Adzariyat
well, its crystal clear...seriously clear
and what kind of ibadah?
exactly what Rasulullah saw (please be upon him) told us..
we all have the answer...i mean me, myself know the answer
but why i keep feel something so right, even it is wrong..
and feel something so wrong, when doing something right?
Pray Allah to me give soul with islam and faith..

i do think about running away..
and go somewhere beautiful...
keep myself calm first..
and start once more to be a better musleem..
and a better person to do what Rasulullah have told us to do..

some place i wanna go and run away..

florida

maldives

Maxico

New York

Paris

Spain

Switzerland

Sydney

Tulips!!! Netherland

Venice/Romantica!

Just a sweet agriculture in Vietnam

Beautiful right??

But my friend saying that running away is one way but bad way..
i should believe him since by the time he running away, i feel very bad...
and i don't know, if i running away, will others feel that too?

whatever it is,
i surely think about changing my life..
maybe doin my study as part time..
still need to rest up head from this stressful things..
and keep calm..
then i can make a decision..hope more wise, guess..

Pray for me!
Pray for all Musleem
to be and have better in everything

Chicken Trip - EP01 Selangor

Bismillah...

Alhamdulillah everything goes smooth on Sleangor trip
Thanks to all the chicken farmers cause giving us a nice superb treat..
thanks a lot alot pakcik makcik...
love you guys...hehe

 Pak Itam..
he ask us to call him that..having a hard life 10 years ago as fisherman then, change to chicken farming and success..

 This Mr. Mohan have this business for 25 years, and success...
having almost 50k chicken per batch..
superb huh?
they will give us spirit to involve in business!!

This guy is young...
and now integrate chicken with basil business...
export to oversea..wow huh?
love to see all the farmers...















somehow,
we not only meet them..
we actually having a very nice trip and holiday..
well picture may explain everything...
let see our best picture and fun time!!!

looks like e very nice "kampung" view..

only in Malaysia...with my best friend CT..hehe

look like someone don't let this moment go away just like that..thinking of something big sir?hehe

oh, we also try this kind of shell seafood..."Menatarang"

taste sweet and chewy..love it...

i love this shell-a-like seafood...very much..

cost for this Mentarang Bakar is RM6.00..worth more if u buy raw and grill by your own..hehe

Having fun with this "Mentarang Bakar" and "Mentarang Rice"...

Jalan-Jalan Cari Makan, anyone?

someone want to test my weight...haishhh..

fine!!!

going to diet...Maybe..haha

Finally we are in Gold Coast!!!

pray one day, i'll go to real Gold Coast in Australia!!

InsyaAllah...by the way..lets go to Krabi first, ok guys?

Someone have learn and drive something new in this trip...A case!

let say..this trip has giving me and my geng so many new experience...hehe

Thanks Guys!

Thanks E.Wadi, Ct, and Wani..

You guys have been in mylife and light it on..

help me to finish up my research..

thanks a lot...

let go next trip to Kelantan this end of January, alright?

Don't Give Up!

Next Trip are Kelantan and Terengganu!

be strong myself!

Another Round

Bismillah..

now is 1:11 AM
and me still at faculty...
worried about the collecting data trip this morning untill the end of this week..
well, thanks for all the support

Thanks to Wani, Ct, En.Wadi...

So, today trip may include all farmers in Selangor Area..

and many states coming after that!

Pray all the Pakcik and Makcik are gonna be nice to us...

These day gonna be tough to me,
doing survey and at the same time think a lot of things..
about my future, about my present, and also about my past...
people said that, "if we live in the past, we cannot dream of new thing"
well, i believe they are right...
how can i let go all the past, all alone by myself..
i am not that strong
but at the same time, i want to create new dream...

i've be listen this one song...
i just can feel how superb to be the girl in the song..
feel so beloved...

Oh her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they're not shining

Her hair, her hair

Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful

And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know

When I compliment her

She wont believe me

And its so, its so

Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me "do I look okay?"

I say

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for a while

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

A silent language...
well, i do dream for a prince can feel what i feel even without sound, see, and touch..
looks for the same moon and stars every night,
share a same dream everyday
looking for the same destination
and in every song, only my name appear in his head..

so day dreaming and too much, right?
but i do dream for this prince...
because I believe in feeling...
and i feels that my prince is absolutely gonna feel the same..

"Oh My Allah, Please take care of him till I meet him and be Halal for me...

as I will prepare my self to be a better musleem...

If he no longer in this Duniya, I pray that he is in YOUR jannah...

and wait for me...

Cause You said that everythings in this world is in couple

like me and him..."

CraziestOutstanding

Bismillah...

First of all,
Credit to the owner of the almost whole picture I use in this blog..

thanks Caterina Chalis

at least i don't have to edit all the picture one by one..

As we all planned for quite long time ago..
and today, we make it realize..
so, we were going for ice skating...
superb feeling!

Ok, since picture may tells everything..
i just wanna share the cost that we have to pay..

For Sunday Fee: 

Ice Skate (Include shoe)- RM22

Hand Sock - RM 5

Picture: RM17.50

Lunch: RM 10.00

Total: RM54.50

But, what price that we actually gain after spend?

PRICELESS

So, if anyone interested to go for ice skate in Sunway, bring at least RM 60.00, alright? hehe

I just feel happy,
even sometimes, i still remember the bad memories that still run in my head..
I pray them to be happy in their life..
and me, just go with the wind...
Time, please healing everything...I don't want to be hurt anymore..

forget that,
let see the craziest outstanding for today activities...

The Cave: En.Wadi, An, Team, Mel 

Time Skodeng: En.Wadi, An, Team, Wani 

It is seriously hard to even stand for a second!!

and finally we make it!!

here some success feeling shown with rabbit peace...

and some happy shoe...

and some happy face...we all think to get our own shoe..

and make this new thing as new exercise hobby!!!

cewahh...

and since we go there in mood of Gong xi fa cai, then, we found this uncle..but then, no money earn that time..

GONG XI FA CAI from Survey Geng!

Last but not least..thanks to abg long as drive us there...

remember our next destination KRABI

until next time...
i need to heal my heart..its hurt badly!!
but yet, keep smile and put away all the pain!!

Start vs. End

Bismillah...

today as 1st of january 2014..
people have a family holiday,
sent their children to school,
lunch with good food,
and may be spend hours for movie..

but mine...

have some bad sms in the morning,
meeting till 3.00 pm,
and the rest of afternoon in lab (it was fun actually)

This is acid boric..i guess this is my first time seeing this, and deal with it...

 after finish deal with it, the i want to wash it..

 then...when i put H2O, then the colour turn green...i found miracle..cipataan Allah~~

and now, i am still at faculty...
doing what?
well, updating my blog..
because i just trying hard not to cry and be sad..
as for today, is my last day of engagement..

well,
I've decided not to wait anymore..
since there are nothing for me to believe and depend on..
nothing happen...well it is mean really nothing happen...not even a single things..
somehow,
I feel release..
at least, I try hard to keep on this relation for a year and 2 days..

so,
when others thinks and start with new dream,
I end up with cut off all the dream I keep for the whole year of 2013..

somehow,
I feel happy for my friends that will end the "single" status this year...
and for me..

single doesn't have to mean lonely...

single simply mean " I resting my heart until it's ready to love again"

since today is the first day of the year,
I just put my self on "not to believe anyone else, except Allah and myself"
I just don't want to hurt my heart again...
My heart just bleed 2 times this year..and I believe I need to take care more of my heart..

ok that's it..or i'm going to cry...
oh God!