fairytale

Bismillah...

from the beginning..
 i love to dreaming about thing that impossible to achieve..
i put myself on that dream and keep saying that,
the dream is real..and it is wonderful..

so even, sometimes when i get hurt,
i will laughing and continue laughing..
laughing like i won't be hurt again..

i hate people who lie to me..
cause in my fairytale,
everybody is kind..they don't lie

but for real..me,
i lie to myself...
why i lie to myself?
i know the dream never come true..
but why i keep making myself believe on those dream..

shoulder...
i need a shoulder to cry on...
when the things get tougher..
i need a shoulder..
he said he gonna be there, but...
oh..he seem busy with others..

maybe i just need to move on..
and keep make myself believe and smile again..

now i know,
what mean of
"even your shadow leave you when dark"
all i need is myself...
i will go through this all by myself..

the pain..
it is just a process..
i'll be ok soon...

a day

Bismillah..

22nd of march 2014...

my friend engagement day, or people normally calling it as E-day...
not like an E-mail, and not even close to E-bay..haha
it is more than that..it is a promise day...
once you ask for the girl hand from her family officially,
you actually give promises to learn to take care of her and learn how to be a man of her life after her dad...
you promise, you will one day make her happy for every second of her life onward..
at least that what i'm thinking about E-day..horror huh?haha

yes, Siti Nasihah is engage...
well, she is really a nice girl..i'm not found any more kind than her...
praying all things gonna be fine..
nine month to go..for her of course...
happy for her..

me,
i'm about to move out from my current room, since i will finish my data collection..
and maybe i need more space...or i do need space..
stressing about all things that happen right now...
until i felt so miserable..very miserable..
i don't know where i can share my problem anymore..
feel like i don't trust anyone anymore...i can't think of a name that i can trust..
giving up to trust a friend, a best friend, and even a bestest friend...
my bestest friend too? i been rejected for so many time, and that seriously not a good feeling...
i try to pretending that things do not change and stay the same,
but the more i pretending, the more hurt i need to deal with...

i smile, i laugh...but the truth...i'm just crying and crying...
and i become more sensitive..i become more messy...
i don't know what to do..i clueless..
i always saying to my self that "everything will be alright"
but it never turn alright...
sometimes, i feel like to giving up...
and make myself disappear from people around me..
and if only i can do that..

for now,
i just keep pretending that i'm alright..
until one day...i just not there anymore..

p/s: Semoga Allah mengampun kan dosa-dosaku..kerna aku sedar..setiap hari, aku semakin liar dan jahat...
dan telah mencemarkan cintaku padaNya, dan juga pada Rasulullah saw..a man that i truly love..but if i continue to be a bad person, i will not going to meet him...and that makes me worried every single day...
if only i can die before i losing up all my kindness...

when we still have love...

Bismillah...

Pray that MH370 will be just alright...
no matter where they are..
I don't know, but i do feel that they alright...
come safe everyone..
i might don't even know who you are,
but i and the rest of Malaysian is waiting for you guys to flew back here!

hibernate on sunday..
waiting for a good news...
speculation is everywhere...
and me...
imagine if this is happening to me,
what am i gonna do?

#things i gonna do/say before it too late

First,
I wanna say to my mom..that i love her so much and sorry for being a bad daughter..
 I am very grateful that i able to tell my dad that I love him, before he left us..even it is once...
Second
I wanna apologize to all my friends,
friends that i ever cheat, and act bad...i'm so sorry...
i might hurt more heart that  can ever imagine..sorry for every lied i did..
Third,
To my almost parents-in-law...I'm so sorry for treating your son badly..
I try to be better..and always try
Fourth,
my beloved sisters..especially ct..
u have said to me " you know that you are the sister that i've been waiting so desperately..thats why i called you baby"..i miss u, sis...
lastly,
to my bestest friend..
which maybe you have someone now,
i always thankful to know you and having you in my life..
even i said i wanna get you out from my life..i lied..
cause i can never to throw you away..you just like a half-part of my lifebook..

Jika teringat tentang dirimu

Berlinang air mataku

Ku rindu saat-saat bersamamu

Kasih sayangmu padaku

Kini kau bukan milikku

Dan berakhir sudah cintaku

Biarkan saja hatiku bicara

Ku masih sayang padamu

Aku selalu mendoakanmu 

Agar kau bahagia 

Bersama dirinya selamanya

Betapa sakitnya apa yang ku rasa

Tuhan kuatkanlah hatiku yang terluka

Semoga ku bisa tuk melupakannya

i have someone else to take care now...
i mean on learning..hardly learning...
___________________________________________________________________
after i had a deep thought today,
i just wanna keep a promise to myself..
if what i wanna do in life is right and what i did is right, i will keep on going..
i am not going to pleasure anyone anymore..never ever again..
if someone is wrong, i will say it direct to her/his face!

my project taught me a lot of things..
what is friendship...
since i am a person who cannot live without friend..
there are two type of friend :true and hypocrites
and what is family..
nobody is left behind...

A day with Friends

Bismillah...

I called it a day...
a wonderful day...

 love both picture..the environment calm and sound peace...i felt it!

Pahang trip only take a day...yupp! only a day...
and since we have not much time to spend..
we just see around..and maybe comeback for the 2nd wave..
i said may be..hehe
already meet a superb chicken farmer...mr.look-alike-bubu..
watcha!!

well,
he had told us something,
and we feel very sad about it...very dissapointed!
but then, he try to help us and we do have fun...
thanks En.Yusri, for helping us..and for the lunch too..
it is a fate, that we meet u that day without we expected and now we realize...
how wonderful to sharing not only knowledge but also love...
gonna meet u later k...hehe

even it is only a one-day trip,
i feel better...
and i believe, i'm not miss counting...

always feel happy with friends...and that what friends are...

they know how to make other friend feel better, and be there...

last but not least...
for the first time,
i driving ranger...best!
the most bigger car i ever drive..
yes, amad is the one who driving from KL..
and me only driving to the faculty parking...
but cool...my biggest car kot...

pray this project go smooth...InsyaAllah
i know Allah is the best planner..
and i believe, everything happen for a reason..
and i love to see the ending...
which is, the best part..
gotcha later!

Anger Management

Bismillah...

Settle trip survey North and Southern..Alhamdulillah..
and maybe i need to re-do some of the states...
plus..
and i think..i have problem with anger..

I love my friend...i mean like- i really love my friend..
i do not care whatever they said about me..
i mean, i admit i have a lot of bad things that i do..
plus i'm a little bit slow...
say whatever u wanna say...

and i trust my friends..
-like i really trust them...

but when things happen,
things that i heard....things that i saw...and things that  know after that...
things that my own friend do...a person i used to trust...
oh man..
it is hard for me to believe,
and it is hard for me to control my anger...
especially, when i already try hard to control the situation,
even put my self - forget my own principle...

can't u think, why i need to do that?
for the sake of friend...yes..for the sake of friend..
i ruin my own principle of life..after so many years i took care of it..

friend...
u may do anything u like..i mean like - anything..
but please take care of your friend good name..
if ur friend sacrifice for you something that she took care of for so many years,
u absolutely should or need to understand why...

or maybe , u just can't see anymore...
the sacrifice that ur friend do...

u see...
maybe one day,
nobody will stand for you anymore..

and that time,
if only u realize,
she is no longer a friend that will sacrifice anything for you
- like anything...ever again...

and me and my bestest friend..
i just don't know how to start..when he said "I'd enough of this" and "juz stop!"
i guess, may be he really mean it...
may be i just need to stop..
at least, he not there anymore...for me to turn to..

and now i need to start my anger management!
like..right now